Am I really doing this?

Am I really doing this? Sometimes it is almost as if I am not really me and I am not really doing this. It is not that I am not enjoying what I am doing it is really more surreal than I can explain. I have to admit this is probably one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced in all my life. I mean it is really easy to juggle all this....haha
Juggle is that really the analogy that I should use, to say that I am juggling this life would mean that I have a sort of control over it and I am calling the shots, sending the objects in my way in the appropriate direction so that I can catch them later and give them another toss.
I would like to compare it more to creative falling. I really don't know how it is going to turn out, but I have set it in motion. I tripped myself and now the rest is up to chance.
Of course, I really don't believe that my life is in any way a ball of chance or a trip that I am not clear of the end...at least not with Christ as my Savior. However, it is a creative trip...I mean juggle...I mean it is a slow dance in fast motion....you know what I mean.
I am doing my best, reading like a maniac, and falling behind more and more everyday. I can't keep up the pace, but I will do my best. It is not that any one thing is so overwhelming that I can' t handle it, it is really just that the time that I have doing whatever it is in my way for the day distracts somehow from what I will be doing later...or need to do.
I am ranting I realize that but it is somewhat theraputic...I must do it to keep sane!
Am I really doing this? It feels as if I am falling down and up at the same time.
Love....me

Finally a moment for comment!

Well,
I have been waiting to post forever. However, with school and kids and work and wife and what ever else there is in life, I have been extremely busy.
God has blessed so far this semester and I see His hand in many things. Carrie and I are getting well settled at our new church. Christian and Caden have made many new friends and love them very much.
The challenges that come with going to school and raising children are numerous, however, I seem to find energy when I need it the most. I have been rising early in the morning to study. This seems to be best since other times can be very noisy.
Carrie and I are taking a Spanish class that is offered through one of the local retired professors and sponsored by the bank in the area we are ministering. This is an excellent opportunity for us to learn a language that will come in handy not only here in America but in many other countries as well.
I am taking three classes this semester. Missiology, Epistomology, and Theology...I thought that I would keep with classes that end in ology! This keeps me on track in some way or the other.
Just let me stay awake and do my best! This is my prayer.